I was always wanting to be older than I ever was growing up. Even from as young as 2, mum would tell me I’d demanded adult cutlery for every meal I had. I was never interested in kids parties and events, I’d much rather socliase with mums friends, as I found I understood their humour more than kids my own age. This strange behaviour grew more frequent when I turned around 9 or 10 years, and I found it increasingly difficult to make friends and socialise in large groups of people in my year. I soon discovered that I didn’t find them funny, I didn’t like the concept of popular friends being the “best kind of friend”, and I soon realised I just needed one main buddy that understood me and most importantly – liked me for who I was. I found I had grown up pretty fast, more so than kids in my year, so what I was interested in, I was usually the only one. I never found stupid jokes funny, I never liked the people that messed around in my PE lessons because that’s what I loved most, and I quickly judged the girls and boys that were too fragile to get an ounce of their body covered in mud and sweat. I was quite intense with passion for a lot of subjects (as you can tell) and if you messed around and it affected me, I wasn’t happy about it!
I really wanted to emmerse myself in maturity and in high shool, teachers understood me and often spoke to me like an adult either one-to-one or in the class. Often I was mistaken for a teachers pet, but it wasn’t necessarily about the subject, it was because I was able to relate to my teachers. I now look back and realise why people never bothered with me, I wasn’t easy-going about what was the “in” thing to do, or what was cool.
I wanted to be older, don’t get me wrong, I really did, but I didn’t want to rush and make a mistake. It’s so strange when I thought I grew up faster than a lot of people, yet when I turned 16, people in my own year were already going out drinking and all of that stuff… I felt so lost because I never desired to get ‘hammered’ and make-out with pointless guys, that wasn’t me either. There were people in my position and there are people everywhere like this today, and I WISH someone (other than my parents) had told me, “ITS OKAY, youre not missing out, youre not getting left behind, your time will come”. I never saw getting in trouble or being risky as cool. I must look so very boring but all I wanted to do was play the piano, cycle, run, socialise with like-minded friends and have a few glasses of wine but not regret them. People dropped me growing up, people found me a liability because I couldn’t “let my hair down”, but even turning 18, I often said to Nick, “Am I late, do I need to get a fake ID and live a little because I feel like the most uncool person ever..?” Nick’s reply stays with me, he thinks that because I’m not normal (in the best way) about drinking and those subjects, he loved me even more. That is something that’ll stay with me forever; hearing that comforts me in every way. I don’t have anthing against girls that have drank to their hearts content, acted all silly and posted all over snapchat, but I didn’t feel comfortable doing things until I was legally old enough (probably didn’t help that my family are fairly strict on the matter anyway) but I don’t hold that against people, I waited until I was 16, 17 and 18 and I’m so glad I did. I probably enjoyed turning 18 way more than the people that have already been and done it, but I’m not afraid to admit it!
Never let someone belittle you into doing something you don’t want, I know as a teenager you hear it all the time, but it can be applied to anything. I had it with drinking, strangers, guys etc etc. You do YOU and trust me, someone will love you for who you are. I only got “tiddly” a handful of times before turning 18. I tried it, and it wasn’t really for me and there were multiple times I did go out to my friends house and try to liven up a bit (i.e. tying too many glasses of wine) but afterwards, I found it pretty embarrassing and never felt the urge to carry on (drinking OTT also tasted disgusting so I wasn’t too bothered anyway). Don’t look down on those who party 24/7 when you haven’t tried it, but if its not for you, don’t feel pressured to maintain it. Don’t feel pressured to fake tan every night and wear falsies 24/7 if that’s not you – don’t do it. Nick was the best thing that ever happened to me, and what makes a relationship work best is accepting who they truly are. Now I’m older, I do like to make an effort and have a good time, I always loved dancing and being sober (which nobody really notices anyway) which is equally as fun, but not getting ill with alcohol at 16, like the rest of my year lol.
I would have down-days all the time by pressuring myself into believing the false reality of social media and adulthood were my future. Social media is a whole new kettle of fish, and I will have to talk more about it on another post, but my main message to all the young’uns out there is that it will never go away, so learn to cope, learn to condition your thoughts by forcing positivity to appear on your feeds. Whenever I go for a walk and feel what it’s like to have no peer pressure, I often look at the world I live in at home or out and about, and wonder “why has it got to be like this? why does my generation have to learn a whole new set of skills with how to remain comfortable around the people of the media?” It can be an amazing place when used correctly, and being 18, I would have never thought that my opinions would be read on the internet. For many years I was a ghost girl online, and taking that step back probably did me the world of good.
Also, parents try to understand. Stop ripping your hair out when they tell you off for complaining about the way you look, what you want or what you think. They have the upper hand on a LOT of situations because they’ve been through the bullies, interviews, exams and relationships just like YOU. They don’t always understand why it’s hard to come off Instagram, Snapchat etc but only you can do that one favour for yourself. I imagine how I’d feel seeing my child cry, lose sleep, become extremely pressured to look a certain way no matter how beautiful you think they are. Imagine not being enough to make your child stay the natural way that they are. It must be hard and incredibly heart-breaking, especially with the severity it’s got to today! So I’ve learnt to just be wise, be careful and use it as a positive tool to make you feel better about yourselves and the people around you. Don’t follow top-models if you feel insecure about looking at their posts. I despise a LOT of what they post, but they have to keep up with the movement of social media, so let them but don’t follow them. IT’S SIMPLE! And remember, we are the future generation so we make the change, let’s make sure it’s a positive one.
My greatest achievement is that I accepted who I am and did what I wanted groing up, its hard, its easy to follow what everyone else does, but I don’t know anybody I grew up with that’s writing a blog, and I’m loving that I’m doing it for myself. Waiting for your 18th is painful, annoying especially when you have a 20 year old partner, but its well worth the wait because you’ll find people will enjoy teaching you the reigns and showing you what its finally like to be an adult.
(P.S. I didn’t want to seem like a waffle or too deep but I truly think this is an important topic! Let me know what you think!)